|Brock: ¨I wanted to be loved and touched by a man instead of a woman.¨|
“What a pathetic mess,” I thought as I listened to him cry and boast about another one of his secret sexual encounters behind stall doors, public parks, health clubs, chat rooms, and bath houses. Here I was again at another Dallas ex-gay meeting, with a bunch of weenies in the back of the Church of Christ. The 20-something members of my group sat in a circle around a chair-less, pale-yellow room giving accounts of our madness.
I look back now and my heart breaks for these men, confused and tormented by their natural need. But the thousands of men and women in these groups aren’t weenies at all. By one means or another they have taken the first step in coming out of denial about their orientation, usually at the risk of losing many people they thought were friends.
I was trying to find myself, and my story wasn’t much different. I was reared in a grade-A, conservative, Christian household, home schooled through elementary, excelled through high school and college, an athlete, a musician, a worship leader in my youth groups, and a proficient Bible boy who could spit verses at the devil. I had an abundance of friends, a family that loved me, all the opportunities of an all American red-haired kid, and the pride of a Bible-beating, full blooded Texan. Yet a part of me had been dying inside since puberty. I wanted to be loved and touched by a man instead of a woman.
Because of my conservative background, I resisted giving into any kind of sexual temptation all the way up into college...¨ please read all of Brock´s narrative, HERE
· Thanks to Brock, HERE
· Thanks to Beyond Ex-Gay, sidebar, HERE