|¨Beyond Ex-Gay¨ Kathryn´s personal narrative|
Raised saturated on a constant diet of heternormative imagery and assumptions at school, in the media and at home, I deeply feared belonging to a highly stigmatized group. Like most teenagers, I longed to belong, fit in, and be accepted. I therefore strove to conform to heterosexual norms as much as possible.
Ironically, although I formally came out to my parents at the age of seventeen, I remained spiritually, socially and emotionally deeply closeted.
Although I did not actively seek to change my sexual orientation, I did seek to actively repress it. I used my studies (at this time I was a university student) to completely avoid and deny my sexuality. Books were my closest and most trustworthy friends. I hid from others and from myself.
When boys asked me out, I felt obliged to say yes — having learned early on from 'compulsory heterosexuality' to read boy's interest in me as a sign of my value and worth as a human being. Not one friend knew that I was gay during this time, leading to friendships that could never deepen beyond a certain level. So great was my oppression, I did not permit myself to admire women — I sought refuge in a numbing, constant asexual academic routine that left no room for other activities, creativity- or of course, dating...¨ please read it all, HERE
· Thanks to Kathryn
· Thanks to Beyond ExGay, sidebar HERE