Aug 22, 2016

THE OTHERSIDE OF THE VOLCANO - MY 73rd BIRTHDAY - Part 21: " I have been flying through my lifetime. I have never wanted to miss any of the possibilities..."

In a few days it will be my birthday.  I will be 73 years old.  How could this happen to me?  How did I become a full-grown+ man so quickly?  "It just happens that way", they say. I got it, "they", like it or not, are often right about "normal" things. Everyday things like getting old.  Tantrum: stomp, snear, turn away...well, ok! 

I know what "getting older" means and it may not be the favorite part of my being human escapade. We will see, what we will see...verdad?  More, no doubt, will, and ought to be, revealed.  

I'm getting a glimpse of myself in the full length and lifesized "blog" one. It's a whole wall of mirror and a ceiling mirror too.  It's clear...the reflecting of the whole of my life mirror. I have defogged it and I am seeing a well focused glimpse of me. The "take a good look at my life" mirror. I think it must come just before the images start to fade around the edges.  Probably perfect timing...I'll tell you later (if I remember) when I look into the future of my real life mirror.

This is my first time as an admitted "old" person. I am inexperienced at telling this truth.  Like all the other "times" in my life I show up, I will try to figure new/old out. I pay attention to friends who do *it* well and I, then, will do what I can to enjoy older and survive myself. I am a survivor so far, I would like to continue for a decade longer (or two).

 As my Mom, Ardythe, the "lovely in every way" person, often said to me: "We shall see what we shall see, dear" see, my Mother still talks to me and I am almost 73.  Mom has gone elsewhere, but she remains close to me.  I still pay attention to what she tells me.  I am a good son.  You can ask her someday if you don't believe me.  She will vouch for my many attempts/efforts at seeking/improving my personal integrity.  Sometimes I do, and have done, better than other times.   

My Mother knows all (many Moms do).

I have been flying through my lifetime. I never want to miss any of the great possibilities. I could easily see the great fun/potential for fame/fortune around me. I always wanted my life, almost always, and in most every way, to be a dance, a party, a kiss/etc in the dark...a success, one more drink at The Top Of The Mark, a good report card and/or later, a HUGE raise (and a little praise)! A full-up life that was/is full of my desire to embrace it and accept it as my own, my own customized/pasturized (now, soberized), terms. I always wanted to kick the tires and have a go fast life. I got it. I've never wanted to run out of gas or be strangled to death with a silk scarf like Isadora Duncan...I only want the wind in my face as it blows through my hair...I most always roll the window down at any speed...with or without a car or not even 
going anywhere .. full stop!  

Things have often been much different than I thought they ought to be...amen. 

Most of my life I have been striving very hard to get everything packed and repackaged to fit into the life I imagined for me! I have pushed and shoved my life sometimes.  I have wanted everything  exciting and a free-to-be-me in life.  I have wanted life to keep laughing and kissing/hugging everyone/everywhere around me! 

A delicious life, in every way, for myself and others.

I ran/run in life! Ready (again)! Fearless/afraid, hardworking/feckless, steaming/rolling/drolling but mostly clammouring for, and hoping for, more lifefilled delights in/around/for me, me, me...this particular story has been about me.  

The Otherside of the Volcano
 blog entry chapters are all about me:

BUKAROO/ay bandido!
SAN JOSE/do you know the way?
DREAM DO-TOY/marched in!
DRY DOCKED/12-13-78! 
BIG FROG/little pond/s!
FLAMBOYAN GLEE/not the tree!
SUN VALLEY/art leaguers!
CUBANOS/Dons, joyas, y media de noches!
BEST/s - LAST/s?

 Each moment, each part, each joy, each person, is catching up with me!  I will be 73! I have outdistanced myself and sometimes I run/ran, slam/banged into a wall.   I rarely saw the "walls" coming.  I always hated them...climb over the walls or  jump the fence! That's my motto (fingers crossed). 

Getting "walled" in or out of life is not fun. During some of my younger years I opted for alternate thinking/drinking. I escaped the reality that was, or could have been, mine full-on.  Lost in my time, and  hazy as the drunk kissing of a stranger under the pier at Santa Barbara during a heavy rainstorm late at night..all night long - or, should you know about the under-overcoats affair? I was sober. I was Winterwandering during snowfalling on a brisk-late-night walk in Paris. The Eiffel Tower glowed in the dark and a unknown friend kept me extra warm.  
Yes, it was me. I was there. I was inside the overcoats and looking in and outside of myself.  The view was spectacular! 

My life likes to play pretend sometimes...but in a good way, a clear way and in a sane way I leap into the today...often it's like an Artist should/would/could and does way. 

Gracias, a Dios.

I cherish my life.  I am thankful for my life and for all of you, you and you! 

I love you, now and before now,  

(green is my favorite color, did you know?)

Leonard/Leonardo/Len/Ricardo/Leo and Lenny too! 

to be continued