|Here I am ¨Getting Better¨ with all of you at The Anglican Communion/beyond|
Most all of my life, the part I remember, I´ve been Gay. Even though I didn´t know for the first part what ¨Gay¨ was I knew I liked men in a profoundly more ¨attracted¨ way than I liked women (whom I also adored but not intimately). I like people. I also knew to keep my inner-stirring ¨thoughts¨ to myself. When I went to Church Camp as a kid every Summer I knew to keep my eyes front and center and not look too much from side to side. I had good manners anyway, Gay, Straight or whatever. I knew when I was in the shower, throughout my schoolife, to keep my eyes off anything or anyone that might cause tension for me or others--a test that I think heterosexual males would have a hard time passing if showering with the opposite sex--I always knew to keep my deepest sexual curiosities to myself...that, of course was not a requirement (mostly) for heterosexuals of any age in most any real life situation.
For years into adulthood I actually had to ¨drink¨ lots of alcohol to settle into being the authentic me in Gay social situations, even in the Gay bars of San Francisco I felt uneasy until ¨relaxed.¨ I was very disciplined even when walking down a street and avoided extra eye-contact with anyone although I chatted comfortably amongst others. Vigilant comes to mind. I had taught myself to deflect most any outside interest directed toward me as a safeguard so I wouldn´t be ¨found out.¨ I was an emotional mess because of my tangled-up idea of rigidity which I presumed was my best defense against being humiliated. Well, it seemed safer when considering the wrath directed against more aggressive, less cautious, people like me.
Heterosexuals have always enjoyed strutting their stuff (mostly) and yakking up a storm about their sexual desires (mostly)...they´ve always made a great pass-time out of ogling others with or without clothes, with or without respect, with or without basic manners and with or without invitation to do so...it´s simply seemed ¨expected¨ for them to demonstrate, albeit often only in words, what they ¨see¨ that appealed to them and what they would like to ¨do¨ sexually...conversely the SAME is NOT true for LGBTI people who´ve always been standing with them, working with them, celebrating their engagements, weddings, babies and anniversaries with them...we know how to behave and we know what ¨to do¨ when respecting the privacy of our fellow human beings...besides, we HAD TO! Many Heterosexual brethern (and sisters too) go on-and-on about their sexual desires, intimacies and sexual conquests publicly but they also sometimes ¨go off¨ about OURS and how they loath them and people like us when the subject of US comes up.
So there you have it, when I read the following entry this morning from The Gay Agenda blog I smiled...I smiled because with all the nonsense, mine and everyone elses, and with all the current attempts at excluding at the Global South/Anglican Communion and beyond...WE, people like me, have always been front and center in life, participating fully in life, and standing shoulder to shoulder with all of YOU if you like it not, ready or not, we´re right here. It may be unsettling for some of YOU, you´ll adjust or not, but never the less, it´s true. WE are like you even if you don´t have the courage to pay attention to REALITY and to US.
The great fear, denial, hatred and emotional/spiritual instability that lurks/lurked within me and some of you will not change a thing...reality it´s not so bad, it just takes some getting used to.
We are like China, we are always present.
¨With all the debate over repealing ‘DADT’ is the right thing to do, those who oppose lifting the ban say that it could have grave consequences on military readiness because people in the military will worry about taking showers with gay servicemembers.
Well, one answer to them, you already have.¨ HERE
· Thanks to The Gay Agenda, sidebar
· Thanks for the Memory
· Thanks to David Green, Pride Shield