GAY IN UGANDA/PART TWO: ¨Once self-accepting, I no longer felt the need to deceive others, myself included. I played the kuchu field, finding, wonder of wonders, that there were others who were like me...¨

¨We are kuchus, all of us, gay and transgender Ugandans¨

What does it mean to be gay in Uganda?

¨It is a tough question because I have never known a different life. I am a gay man, born in Uganda, an African. It is all that I have known; it is my identity. I am African, a Ugandan, and I am gay, my secret identity—the one that has to be hidden from the rest of my countrymen.

¨We call ourselves kuchus, a neutral, all inclusive word¨

We call ourselves kuchus, a neutral, all inclusive word. It is an identity that is ours, separate from the vileness and abuse thrown at us. We are kuchus, all of us, gay and transgender Ugandans, although life tends to be harder for my transgender friends.

Measures of Acceptance

My friends got married, and started having kids. And I played the field, hoping against hope that a change within me would occur. Others had gone and done so, accepted themselves for what they are or what society says they should be, and gotten married, according to the dictates of their surroundings.

Not for me.

I came out to myself, late. Delirious acceptance, of what I was, of the fact that I was not going to change. But I came to an impasse, too. What to do with the rest of my life, which had changed from that moment of self-acceptance? I stopped sleeping with women. Once self-accepting, I no longer felt the need to deceive others, myself included. I played the kuchu field, finding, wonder of wonders, that there were others who were like me. Very much like me, with the same feelings, hidden, with the same impulses. And, we were willing to share with each other our bodies, liberally.

¨I wanted and yearned for something more: love, the companionship and commitment of a life mate.¨

But, something was missing. I wanted and yearned for something more: love, the companionship and commitment of a life mate. When I first broached this subject with some kuchu friends, I was laughed off. Kuchus, I was informed, do not make commitments, because if did, how would you hide? Impossible! Out of necessity, ours was a life of deceit.

But I did meet someone. We fell in love and have been together now for ten incredible years! Gay, Ugandan, and partnered in Uganda!

¨Being in love with the man that completed me was something which helped tremendously¨

The years of self-deception fell off with maturity. Then came the years of active hiding, morphing into one another. Being in love with the man that completed me was something which helped tremendously. Holding him in my arms, making love, it was something which was so beautiful; our togetherness negated all the things that were supposedly bad. I couldn't imagine our love being ugly, bad, unblessed. Yes, I had lost my faith, because I was unable to reconcile what I was told with what I was. If I was a sinner, it seemed fit to sin without the guilt.

We hid, and continue to hide right out in the light. But, our invisibility cloak started thinning with the time that we spent together, the notice we drew to ourselves by not having the companionship of the opposite sex. Not even for show. Of course, the rumors began to seep out of the closet.

But nothing was as decisive as the decision to become active in changing our world...¨ please read it all, HERE

GROWING UP GAY IN UGANDA/PART ONE:  HERE

·  Thanks to Gay Uganda, sidebar
·  Thanks to The Mantle, A Forum for Progressive Critique