It´s Not Over Until It´s Over: Surgery/fretting and anxious

UPDATE: March 5, 2010

MY SURGERY HAS BEEN SCHEDULED FOR THE WEEK AFTER HOLY WEEK! YES!

REPRIEVE: Thanks for the kind words of encouragement and support and I´ll tuck them away for another day and promise not to whine when the time comes.


When he is at work in the north, I do not see him; when he turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of him. But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold. (Job 23.9-10)

Tomorrow I go for a pre-op appointment and quickly, within a day or a few days, will follow up with an eye surgery. I have started fretting about the surgery in recent weeks. I have wonderful doctors (Harvard educated practicing right here in Central America) with fine facilities/equipment and I know I have the wonder and extra blessing of professional care where many folks have no medical care at all. This is to be the fifth operation on my left eye, the last one was six months ago when they removed my natural lense and added some silicon oil...we´ve been waiting for my scar tissue to strengthen and it appears my Retina and Cornea are in first rate shape...so, now, soon, the Doctors will remove the silicon oil and install a new lense for me. Fret, fret, fret.

Over the past months I´ve sometimes been quite disoriented with my full-blur in one eye and a uncorrected near sightedness in the other...I think of it as practicing for being really old as I lunge into door frames, miss my mouth, pour lavishly but miss containers, squint with one eye to do my artwork and type/blog my heart out using a Spanish keyboard and making lots of mistakes (it´s been a wonderful help even though I get quite passionate on various subjects of life and death for LGBT Anglicans/others in Uganda and beyond). I´ve found that I function quite well but get tired very quickly, take lots of naps, have gained weight as a result of, little physical exercise (Gymless=Plumpness), my tendency to stay closer to home/bed while nursing myself tenderly.

Today I read my friend Tims entry at ¨Straight Friendly¨ blog...Tim, you´ve hit the nail on the head for me and I feel refreshed in spirit after reading your words that have given me a opportunity to stand back and STOP the ¨frets and moans¨ and accept the things that I can not change. Powerlessness has always been the state/place where I see God (invisibly) best and I feel assured that it is now, again, an opportunity to walk with God more confidently. Thank you Tim, I badly need your words and the all-inclusive/loving-influence of people like you and OUR God in my everyday life. Lord, hear my prayer

¨...Absolutely nothing about worry prolongs or improves life. Indeed, it has the opposite effect. Anxious excitement is a thief that steals everything fine and good in us: our confidence, joy, imagination, courage, and companionability. Worst of all, it convinces us there’s honor in becoming excitement junkies. We start believing our constant frets and moans prove we’re deeply invested in our predicaments, when we’re actually milking them for excitement. On some level, we perceive our agitated state as a sign of importance. No matter what “we” do, “they” just won’t get it together. What would become of the excitement bingers among us if their problems all worked out. What would they do?...¨ HERE

This is Tim´s NEW Book, click HERE for details

·Thanks to Tim Wolfe
·Thanks to Straight-Friendly Blog, sidebar
·Thanks to ¨Gay Believers Life in Christ¨